Everlasting Trance
by BlackShimmer
Summary: Based on the manga series LIFE by Keiko Suenobu. Taking place in one of the begining scenes of volume 5. Ayumu narrates the scene where she steals a knife from the store. What is she feeling, and what trouble will occur?


I was walking aimlessly throughout the streets of the town. My constant thoughts drowned out all the bizzing and buzzing of the people and their obnoxious chatter. My eyes kept gazing from one thing to another, making it hard for me to keep my balance. My feet pointed center and my legs shook slightly as I continued to move forward. Everything looked so blurry, and my thoughts kept wandering to the painful experiances that occured only recently.

I made my way to the local handicrafts and hobby goods store. Passing through many aisles and bumping into several people accidently. I thought I heard a few angry voices, but they sounded all muffled, so I couldn't really understand.

And then, just suddenly, a bright twinkle caught by eye. I turned my head to the left and found a beautiful knife. Extremely sharp, still packaged, and at a very cheap price. But I had no thoughts of purchasing the item. I merely wanted to stroke my fingers upon it, and ease the suffering, entering further into my trance. I opened it very carefully, and held it gently in my hands. My hands formed a cradle shaped position, and I moved them only a little to see the light's reflection move up and done the blade.

Then, the light vanished, a shadowy figure now stood behind me. It's breath tickled my neck and made me shiver a little. I looked at it for a moment, but my vision remained foggy, so I directed my attention back to the shiny object I was holding. While drowning myself in the moment, the shadow lowered it's jaw and released the sound of a woman's voice. Not too old, not too young, but bothersome all the same.

"Excuse me Miss, but you are not allowed to take products out of their packaging." She said with one brow raised, to make an annoyed expression.

I did not care for whatever irritated feelings she had. I continued to gaze at my treasure. I put the tip of my finger against the edge of the knife and formed a very thin, pink line. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I felt a teensy smiled stretch across my face.

"Miss?..." The shadow's voice seemed to become more clear, and was now in a more worried tone.

She attempted to take the knife away from me by softly bringing her hands close to mine and gripping the handle. I pulled back, but both of our actions caused it to fall onto the floor. It sang an ear-shattering song, as if it were alive, screaming for someone to save it.

My eyes widened. I have awoken from my trance, and my heart skipped a beat. A sweatdrop formed from my head and began to drip it's way down my cheek as I felt my body grow more tense.

As my muscles began to loosen and the breaths became slower, I saw the shadow begin to reach for the blade. After a slight twitch of irritation, I pushed her out of the way and retrieved my prize. My legs, as if at their own will, brought me towards the store's exit, racing at enormous speed.

The shadow would not allow me to get away so easily. She called to her friends and pointed her finger towards me.

"Somebody stop her!" she screeched. Her voice made my ears want to bleed.

The chase lasted several minutes and I was begining to grow tired. I had to find a way to escape this mess. My eyes brought me to the sight of a very slim alley, with several empty boxes stacked upon one another. I climbed my way up and jumped from the highest point, ran some more, and stopped myself at the sidewalk's end.

Tears of fear and stress began to find their way out of my eyes. I would not get to keep my treasure for long. I lifted it, and sliced it against my bandaged arm. The bandage wrappings that covered previous scars ripped open, forming a new cut. I watched the blood begin to bubble, and more tears came at the sight of it.

This moment would not continue, as one of the shadow's friends came up behind me and gripped my arms. I started to struggle and attempt to pull away from him, but he was much stronger. I dropped the knife once more and I tried to get it back. But he continued to pull me away.

"STOP IT!" He yelled into my ear. "I can't let you kill yourself!"

Stupid boy.

I am not going to kill myself. I only cut myself to a point where it begins to hurt and I stop myself. Because I'm afraid of pain. I know I deserve pain, and I continually try to punish myself for living such a useless, meaningless life.

I'm afraid to live. I'm afraid to see life's changes, life's varieties, life's oppurtunities. I tried to find my positivie options, but all attempts have failed, and I end up in even more pain.

But, I am also afraid to die. I'm afraid of the darkness of death, it's pain, and what might be ahead afterwards. Am I to be blessed with an eternal nothingness, an end to life itself? Or am I to be tortured and hurt forever in the depths of Hell's caverns? My angel's wings have been stolen from me a long time ago, and my fear of life will not allow me to try and get them returned to me.

I am afraid to live and to die, so I let myself go into a trance. It's one of the little blessings in this world I have left. It leads me into a blank, white nothing. Where nothing exists, and nothing happens. And endless road leading to no where. The one thing I have always wished for.

A road to no where would release me of the stress of trying to find life's grace, and let me escape from the pain I have been forced to endure for a very long time.

Sadly, these trances do not last for very long. So I resorted to cutting, which only proves how lowly and pathetic I have really become. Is there anyone like me? Is there anyone who can relate? Or is there at least someone who could save me right now?

I continued to pull away until I couldn't any long. I screamed for them to let me go once more, and then dropped to my knees. I could barely lift my head to see the glaring, confused faces of the bystanders. Their whispers traveled to me, taunting me. Their voices tired me and my eyes began to droop. Why couldn't they just let me be? These shadows were not my saviors. How could they possibly help me, when they know nothing? And when I refuse to tell them anything?

Just when I have forgotten all hope, a rapid figure approaced me. It formed a firm grip agains my bleeding wrist. I ignored the pain and took the moment to observe my rescuer.

It was no other than my dear friend Hatori, staring at me with her heavily made-up eyes. She was as beautiful as an angel, and the wind made her gorgeous long hair flow. She almost looked like a painting, too stunning to be real.

She kicked the boy who held me before and he released his hands to comfort the pain her attack had caused. Within a second after, she and I made our escape, and no one even dared to follow.

I never once blinked. I only stared at my angel, who once again rescued me from a terrible situation. She may not understand me, but it seems I can trust this girl.

Thank you so much Hatori. Thank you.


End file.
